......and I deleted them. I started this blog awhile ago to give myself a voice about being overweight, and being proud of it. I hate that that is my label, but unfortunately, that is how the world sees me. It fucking sucks. I wish I could be looked upon as a human, not someone's punching bag. Thank god the people that I love love me unconditionally. Some of the people I associate with have things to say, of this I am sure. I choose to ignore their ignorance and crap, even though it hurts deep down inside.
So I guess the goal of this blog is to make it an outlet about this whole process. I love me, I just wish I could get over what people have told me or said to me in the past. I think I am great, but I need to work on my self-confidence.
It is amazing how much I have accomplished in my life, and yet I still can't get over this weight issue. I am so lazy about it. I guess I feel like I shouldn't change because other people think I should.
The other day, one of the 5th grades in another class called me a "fat cow". Now, to it in perspective, this is a very troubled little girl who herself is overweight and has a crazy for a mother. I couldn't believe though how much it hurt. Almost as much as a friend saying something to me years ago in front of everyone about my weight. These are things I can't forget, and I need to.....like right now.
So my goal is to let go of the past, focus on the future. Go to the gym (find one I like). I hate my gym, maybe that is why I do not go. Eat healthier, even though I eat pretty well to begin with. Get rid of the condiments, that is my biggest problem. Another goal for me is to get financially fit. Pay off my bills, start saving religiously. I am not going to buy clothes or shoes until I get fit(ter).
Mind you, I don't need to be 150 or 130. I just to need to find a place where I am happy with me, in ALL aspects.
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I didn't know you had a blog!! :-) Yayy!
ReplyDeleteIts a shame you deleted all your old posts, I can't bring myself to ever do that, and I have a ton of trouble letting go of the past as well.
You deserve to have all the confidence in the world, you're a beautiful, accomplished, loving woman. I'm also very sorry if and when I ever said anything to ever hurt your feelings in the past. <3 I very much look up to you :-)
Sadly enough, I think every woman struggles with some sort of self confidence issue that nobody else even thinks twice about or sees...we're our own worst critic... and well, kids are just freaking cruel, haha. I know you know that by now though.
I know it's hard to shake the comments... I have moments like that too. Even things from years ago that stuck... they're there forever. What can you do?
ReplyDeleteDo what makes you happy. I don't agree about your 'label' though. You have a big group of friends and I don't think any of them reduce you to a label. You are loved for who you are.
Agreed :-)
ReplyDeleteYou two.......ah, shucks! haha Thanks!
ReplyDelete